a reflection: learning in intentionality and self-growth

originally published july 2018

Pursuing a life that is both intentional and mindful is tough. It takes real work. That nitty-gritty, digging-deep-into-yourself type of work. And I’m going to be honest, I’ve felt myself avoiding that work quite often in the past few weeks.

The past month has been difficult. Among applying to medical school, juggling work, relationships, and Signedblackgirl (now chimsomo.com), I found myself putting my self-care and personal growth on the back burner. I had promised myself 3 months ago that I would strive to make each moment count and actively seek to be present in each aspect of my life. And yet, my life had become a movie that seemed to be whirring past as I just watched in the background.

Of course, there were moments when I would catch myself and tell myself to sit. To breathe. To look at the joy all around me. Those opportunities of stillness would calm me amidst the hurry that existed around me.

Although I have had hills and valleys in my effort to be intentional and mindful within the past month, current reflections of myself and actions taken over the past few weeks have shown me my growth. I have been gentle with myself during the times when I caught myself racing through my day, using that moment as a chance to reflect, reset, and renew, rather than self-reprimand for having ‘failed’ to focus my intentions on honoring each small moment life gifts me.

The journey to self-love, intentionality- and the abundance of life that accompanies- , I’ve realized, is neither an easy path, nor is it straight. I think the beauty in the tumultuousness of self-growth is that it constantly forces you to grow comfortable in the uncomfortable. The moments of fear, self doubt, and insecurity remind you, “Yes, you can do this. Yes, you can overcome this challenge, Yes, you can take space here and root and build and grow.”

So, here is to life and its teachings. Here’s to commiting to try even though our paths to growth and expansion may not be straight. Because each day is a lesson that drives is to reflect the individuals we desire to be.

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